From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
