my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize