sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
