wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
