I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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