Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
