I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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