one two three fourrrrnication!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
