i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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