im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
