So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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