i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
