Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize