I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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