I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
