he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
