Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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