I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
