At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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