I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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