She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
