mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
