A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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