you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
