I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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