i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
