I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We got so high we made milksteak
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
