I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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