I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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