so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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