Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
