You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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