Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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