He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your penis caused this!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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