Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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