oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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