ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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