Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
