drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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