Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
