plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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