youre lurking in front of me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
