I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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