your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
