I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
