So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ok first of all what the fuck
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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