Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
