please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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