I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
