i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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