he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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