wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
