God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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