cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
