Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
