I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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