you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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