Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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