I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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