i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
