Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize