You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize