I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
