You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
