What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
