i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
