Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
