allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
